This box contains only the dismaying results of some upsettingresearch I have conducted into the tragic lives of the Baudelaire orphans.My findings, published here in three volumes entitled THE MISERABLEMILL, THE AUSTERE ACADEMY, and THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR, contain suchatrocities as poorly paid employees, a hypnotist, an evil scheme, a gymteacher, dripping fungus, another evil scheme, a fake accent, three mysterious consonants, a red herring, and at least one more evil scheme.

If you are among those with an unnatural interest in these books, restassured: the box you are holding in your hands contains nothing thatwould interest you. You will find no secret evidence, encoded messages,confidential information, or scented stickers here. Whether you are ahighly regarded member of a secret organization or a nefarious villaininvolved in a wicked conspiracy, you WILL NOT FIND HELPFULINFORMATION in the pages of these books. I am not lying.

This box contains only the dismaying results of some upsettingresearch I have conducted into the tragic lives of the Baudelaire orphans.My findings, published here in three volumes entitled THE MISERABLEMILL, THE AUSTERE ACADEMY, and THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR, contain suchatrocities as poorly paid employees, a hypnotist, an evil scheme, a gymteacher, dripping fungus, another evil scheme, a fake accent, three mys-terious consonants, a red herring, and at least one more evil scheme.Clearly there is no earthly reason whv a sensible person such as your-self would want to read such stories, unless there are several schemesyou are a part of yourself, and I am not lying about this, either.

Please follow my very fair directions and find some other.more pleasant box of books, and read the results of someone else'sresearch before it is too late.

4 THE MISERABLE

5 THE AUSTERE ACADEMY

6 THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR